"The Long Con" is the thirteenth episode of season two. The flashbacks are all about Sawyer and Cassidy, who has tons o' money and Sawyer is SPOILER ALERT conning but at the same time falling in loooooove! She also will be his baby mama and total BFFs with Kate, but is also sort of a nutjob.
This episode is srsly sort of dumb. It's kind of like all the doods on the Island needed to have a whip-it-out contest. First Locke and Jack whip it out over the combination to the gun safe, then we see Sawyer nekkid (more or less) and he makes it Charlie whip it out so that Sawyer and Jack can have their own peen contest. Jack sort of wins because he doesn't care about Sawyer.
FLASHBACK TIME!! Sawyer had the biggest peen around. Except for Cass, who sees right through his dumb con art bleebloo. WAH HA SHE'S SORT OF AWESOME and it makes us think that he sees Cassidy in Kate and it turns him on. Cassidy is full of brainzz and Sawyer is not.
Aneewayzz, Sawyer makes master plan to increase his penis size by ten percent, especially when Kate rubs it in. But then he's all "what would big brain cassidy do" and befriends/seduces/wins !1!! Kate. He plants itty biddy seeds of "Ohhh maybe jack likes analoopoo better."
So then Kate is all like "I don't like that bitch".
Jack it turns out is doing all espionage !! and got the combo for Ana Lucia and the army (that will never be...). But then Jack's peen is bigger than Ana's because he won't share the combo with her!
But then spoiler alert CHARLIE beats up Sun and Jin's like I HAVE THE BIGGEST PENIS AND I WILL DESTROY THE PENIS WHO DID THIS TO MY WIFE and all the other peens are like don't do it man.
Sawyer convinces Kate that Ana is bad newz goes into the hatch and then Locke moves the guns and then Charlie follows him and moves the guns again and then Jack and Locke try to whip it out so that Jack and Jin can go beat up some UTHUHS and cut off their wieners. Jack and Kate manage to have a private "look into my eyes and sex me" moment. Everyone whips it out and then BUM BE DUM DUM SAWYER WINS today. He makes a dumb (no seriously it was) speech that is not anywhere close to a JACK speech about how he's all awesome and blah blah blah my penis whatever and everyone's all "gross."
But then Kate is so royally pissed off because Sawyer CONNED HER because he knew she would go to JACK!!!
oh. em. gee. You jerk.
Blah blah whatever this episode is dumb.