Guava Seed Rating: 2
- Jack totally can't stand the thought of Kate walking off into the jungle alone.
Kate: Girl Next Door?
Pilot, Part 2 starts off pretty much where Pilot, Part 1 ended. Jack, Charlie and Kate are walking through the jungle discussing the transceiver and how finding Eric from Felicity - woops, I meant the Pilot - hanging from the trees like a bloody tree ornament was really crazy. Kate then asks Charlie what the hell he was doing in the bathroom while shit was going down and they share a moment. Charlie whines like an insecure child about getting sick (aka getting stoned off his ass) and how that was his only contribution to the trip. Kate, in already typical Kate fashion, smiles sweetly at him and tells him that it wasn't the only thing he did. Well... I don't know about Kate, but that certainly looked like the only thing he did to me. Whatever. Kate's already got every guy on the damned island eating out of her pretty fugitive hands.
The episode continues by introducing our main Island Losties left and right - Boone, God's friggen gift to humanity; Shannon, Boone's half-sister and God's cruel joke on humanity; Claire, the pregnant girl with an affinity for Japanese necklaces and converse sneakers; Jin, the angry and controlling fisherman from Korea; his subservient and ashamed wife Sun, who also seems to have the eyes for Michael, the man who will always be known in the Lost fanbase as the man who never stops yelling WAAAAAAAAAAAAALT; Walt, Michael's "special" son with the dog named Vincent who likes to disappear for episodes at a time. Walt finds some handcuffs and Michael frizeaks, bringing it to everyone's attention.
Jack, Charlie and Kate return on the mission to watch a pissing contest between Sawyer, the gritty and smarmy Southern con-man who'll forever be known to Jaters as the bane of their existence and Sayid, the genuine (and fine) Iraqi communications officer. Jack saves the day and Kate can't help but watch as Jack's muscles ripple while containing the sometimes effeminate Sawyer as he ignorantly accuses Sayid of crashing the plane. Sawyer continues to charm the pants off of everyone by calling fan-favorite Hurley "lardo" and Jack tells him to STFU and show some goddamned respect.
After a sweet scene between Hurley and Sayid, we're greeted with our first of many gratuitous shots of naked and wet Kate in slow motion. Seriously, the girls got abs you could wash clothing on. Sun shows up and points at something out in the distance and Kate seems to somehow understand. After putting her clothes back on she goes to Sayid and his freakishly long fingernails and he tells her that they need to climb the Mount Everest equivalent of mountains to get some lousy bars. Where's Verizon when you need them, right?
Kate: Hmmm...Jacks using his sexy doctor man hands to deal with the Marshall and Kate's all turned on and can't seem to look away. After only knowing Jack for mere hours she tells him that she's going on a hike with Sayid to try and get a signal. Jack freaks out immediately because the thought of her going out into that jungle alone without him there drives him crazy. He asks her to wait for him (silently wishing the Marshal would just die and make his life a little easier) but she tells him the battery won't last. Then he tells her in that sexy, loving, concerned voice of his to run if she sees anything. Kate kind of smiles cause only she knows that it's her absolute specialty and we boom to black.
While Kate's running off into the jungle of mystery, Jack goes into hard-core, sexy doctor mode and enlists the help of his Best Island Friend For Life (BIFFL) Hurley to get antibiotics. The plane is full of crazies so surely there's got to be some useful pills up in this piece, he says. While he's doing all of this Charlie's getting high, Walt's reading a comic book and Shannon and Boone are fighting their UST when she tells him she's going on the Signal Hike. He haughtily laughs in her face at the ludicrous idea (and her equally ludicrous yellow sneakers) but decides to tag along, too. Kate, Sayid, Shannon, Boone and Charlie start walking off on the trek. Then we see a shot of Sawyer crying over a mystery letter and he decides to join in on the, too. Joy. Couldn't the asshat with the locks of gold have just stayed behind and been pretty?
While out on the hike something big and scary makes its presence known and Shannon screams like the little bitch she is and everyone runs. Everyone except GoldiSawyer, who's got a gun that he stole off the Marshal. He shoots at a terrible CGI polar bear and it dies. All the Skaters cream themselves at his heroic act. I throw up in my mouth a little.
Jack and his BIFFL work on the Marshal. He pulls the shrapnel out and it makes the queasy Hurley pass out onto him. Jack cries "Dammit" at the inefficiency of island surgery. But he'll make do. He always does.
Back on the trek, Skaters rejoice at one of the first real Skate conversations. He creepily calls Shannon sweetcheeks, calls Sayid a terrorist and while he's being all Jokey McJokerson Kate pulls the gun out of his greedy little hands and acts like she doesn't know how to use it. In a wonderful display of manly aggression Sawyer grabs Kate and yanks her forward, saying, in his best Hannibal Lecter impression, "I know your type." "I'm not so sure," Kate replies. She walks off and in a flashback we discover... ZOMG! KATE'S WITH THE MARSHAL! Oh noes! The cuffs were hers!
It's cool, though, cause we (and Jack) all love her anyway.
We cut back to Jack working on the Marshal when the SOB wakes up and bloodies up Jack's white button-down. He asks, "Where is she?" but Jack doesn't know that he's talking about his future fiancee and says, "Who?" and the music gets loud and we all get excited cause we know there's gonna be an epic showdown.
Finally, the Signal Hike crew make it high enough and get a signal with a crazy French woman complaining about people being killed by an "it". Shannon works her magic and translates the French while Sayid calculates that she's been on Craphole Island for sixteen years.
"Where are we?" asks Charlie. Damned if any of us know, dude.