This is a Locke episode. In flashbacks we learn that Locke was in a support group for a month and he hates people because the wuurst things happened to hiiim. But he also meets HELEN! and not the helen you are thinking about. Locke also had a smoking habit but he sucks at it. But that's not important. Locke also does lots of sexy times with a real life woman! and doesn't even pay for it but he still has issues with his dee-dah. blaaaah.
In this episode we're reminded that we totally ignored the fact that Locke put the numbers into the computer for the first time a few episodes ago. Whatever. Like that's important.
Then we're reminded that dumb ol' Michael/Jin/Sawyer are dumb and they get captured by THE OTHERSSS QUESTION MAARK??? spoiler alert: no.
For some reason they repeat Jack yelling WHERE'S KATE WHERE'S KATE!! again (spoiler alert I think they like it), but while Jack's announcing his undying love for her...KATE FINDS GUNS?!? nah uh oh yeah. COINCIDENCE SHE FALLS INTO THE GUN ROOM AND IT'S OPEN I THINK NOT.
She whacks Desmond who is holding Locke prisoner, and then Desmond shoots the OMGWTFCOMPUTER (spoiler alert is that really even considered a computer i mean come on there's no solitare on it even).
Then we learn about putting in the numbers and Jack's peen is bigger than Locke's and then Jack makes sure that Kate has Desmond's "back"...lol as in to shoots at it.
Blah blah Jack and Locke need to whip it out again and then they find a movie and Desmond's hot and then Kate finds Hurley and Sayid and Sayid needs to fix the computer.
Sawyer is dumb and needs everyone to look at him, Michael and Jin so they have some sort of plot going on. Eko is so ridiculously scary. We meet Ana Lucia! Sawyer's like "girl?"
Also we get to know THE DHARMA INITIATIVE and their love of octagons and badly-preserved pron. We also hear about the incideeeent!! and everyone's all WTF? and they're like 'just wait three years'.
More science/faith stuff happens and Locke's relationship with Helen dies. And then Kate comes back with Sayid and Hurley and she just yells JACK JACK JACK JACK! and then she's all "WHERE'S JACK?" to Locke and everyone's like we get it already :P
Jack gets waaaay too pissed at Desmond for trying to tell him to believe and then when pushed he yells I MARRIED HER and everyone is very sad with him because Jack is so sad. He's so sad and cries jears and everything is awful!
At the end there's another whip-it-out MOSMOFF debate. And it's so hot when they yell at each other and everyone's all "omg dudes". Kate's all "maybe you should just do it" and Locke's like "please do me Jack". And then right before Jack hits the button he looks at Kate. Kate's all concerned and Locke's like I WIN.