The Shephard Clan

Not to make it sound like a soap opera (when it so clearly is), but Jack seems to have a little DNA in everyone. No. Everyone. Although I asked him once? And he hasn't been returning my calls.

Eh? Get it? Get it? *GRATUITOUSLY LOUD CHUCKLE*

Older than Jack

Ray "Shoe Genie" Shephard

Ray Shephard

• Relation: Jack's grandpappy.
• Age: ??? Old? Like...retirement home old?
• We only saw him this one episode, but he seemed to know Kate (a must) and had a coincidentally needed pair of shoes.

Christian "Ball Breaker" Shephard

Christian Shephard

• Relation: Jack's SUNAVABISH father who loves him.
• Age: Dead? Ish?
• Father Jack has been plaguing his dear son's life since Jack was old enough to be beat up by O'Doyle. (He does rule...) When he wasn't boozing, or doing surgery, or telling his son he didn't have what it takes, he took the time to impregnate some Australian chick and make sure his daughter thought she was immaculately conceived. Or not.

Margo "Ball Breaker II" Shephard

Margo Shephard

• Relation: Jack's seesaw meemaw.
• Age:: Money can't buy happiness, but it probably buys a lot of wrinkle treatments.
• Jack's apparently incestuously-leaning mother spends the series either bitching out her son for being a meanie to his daddy or trying to make out with Jack in airports.

Carole "Wedlock Wench" Littleton

Carole Littleton

• Relation: ??? I'm not even SURE what this is supposed to say.
• Age: She went for the happiness thing.
• Carole's basically an older version of Aaron. Breaking up Jate, crying all the time...pooping...and...eating okay I don't know what babies do--but I do know that this lady is like. Jack's. Cousin? Yeah? Half-Grandma. No. Half-mo..ther. Ehhhh let's just skip it.

Younger than Jack

Sarah "CHEATING BITCH" Un-Shephard

SARAH "THIS BITCH CAN DIE" UN-SHEPHARD

• Relation: Jack's whorey ex-wife.
• Age: Was-almost-dead-once-ish?
• After Jack SAVED HER LIFE AND WAS SUPER HOT WHILE DOING SO, Sarah decides to pay him back by agreeing to do dishes with him for all eternity. Being a ho is a hard habit to break though, and it doesn't take long for this slut-town reject to go rub her nasties all over some other dude while Jack's like. Saving OTHER people's lives. And then she makes him CRY.

Claire "Da Bastard Sista" Littleton

Claire Littleton

• Relation: Jack's "we don't talk about that" sister.
• Age: 20-something.
• Claire is the ADORABLE bastard child of Jack's dad and the no-morals Australian trick he found in Sydney. They didn't know about each other until after Claire had gone over to the dark side, and Jack was in the process of setting up a Los Angeles heaven-parlor with Kate. Regardless of this, Jack and Claire grew decently close on the Island, as he saved her life a few times.

Aaron "Demon Spawn" Littleton

Aaron Littleton

• Relation: Jack's part-time nephew, part-time stepson
• Age: 3-4
• This little pumpkin has unleashed a HEAP of problems for his dear suffering uncle. When not getting in the way of Jack and Kate's happiness, Aaron's most likely crying, pooping or wishing to do both at once. And sometimes when he smiles it's cute.

Honorable Mentions

SOCLOSE, Kate. SOCLOSE.

* Obviously Kate. She was THISCLOSE to tapping into that awkwardly-significant family name, but she lost it. Delivering Crown Prince Aaron into the world and basically raising him for a few years earns you a top spot, too.

References

1. The Shepherd Clan at The Fuselage