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Desmond was hot. Oh, and Charlie's gonna die. Or so we've been told so many times now that I find it really hard to believe that it will actually happen. Cut to the first scene and we find Des hacking his way through the jungle. It's pouring rain. Dang. Where's Jate when you need them? But Des in the rain's pretty sexy too, so I guess I'll settle. Hurley follows behind Des and then Charlie comes next with his guitar strapped to his back. Jin brings up the rear of the group because this time he's the one getting a nice view of Charlie's Badonkadonk. Charlie starts telling Hurley he's insane. Yeah, Charlie, we know. We learned that from his flashback in the institution. But Charlie is just arguing with him and telling him that Superman can fly around the planet in the blink of an eye. "Jack can't fly. Not that fast anyway." I scoff at my TV. Oh, sorry. He's talking about the other Superman. Hurley tells him that if they were going by a "pure footrace, Supes would get dusted by the Flash." Charlie asks why Superman would agree to a sodding foot race. "For charity." Hurley says. Flash would win because he can vibrate through walls, Hurley says. "Ooooh vibration. Whatever would Superman do if he came up against a wall." Charlie snarks. "No smashing allowed." Hurley says. "No flying? No smashing? Any other restrictions?" Charlie says. I've been in these types of conversations with fanboy geeks, so there's no point in arguing with either one of them... but for the record, without showing too much of my fangirl geekiness, The Flash has beaten Superman even when Supes was flying, so a foot race would be no contest. So there Charlie. Oh friggin, the fanboys sucked me in again. I can just imagine the writers doing this dialogue. I bet you anything they had a 3 - hour long discourse on the different attributes of The Flash v. Superman. Damon was probably in Heaven. Just as Charlie ends his rant, he steps on a wire and looks down at it. The wire releases setting off a trap. Before he can move, a spear comes hurling out from a tree and plunges itself into Charlie's throat. Quick, somebody find Boone and a pen. Jin catches him and brings him to the ground as Charlie struggles to breathe, his eyes wide. Des runs over to him and tells him to breathe as Hurley freaks out. Very excessively violent and gory shots ensue. I kinda like the move to the new time slot. This will be the only way we can get all of Juliet's gruesome demise shown. Every last thrilling and delightful second of it. Charlie struggles to breathe and finally with one last gush of blood out his mouth, closes his eyes and stops moving. Well that was sort of anti-climactic for the Charlie death scene... to have it happen in the first 2 minutes of the episode. Oh Well. Where should we bury the body? Make sure to put that friggin guitar in there with him too. But before Des can start to make his move on the semi-grieving widow Claire, the images start flashing on the screen. We see Hurley with the cable on the beach, a light in the clouds, the adorable Dope picture, and Jin, Charlie, and Hurley playing parachute under two legs hanging from a tree. And then we are sucked out of the images into Des' wide eyes. It was just one of Desmond's future visions. Charlie's not dead. Always with the teasing, Darlton?

So Desmond shakes himself out of his vision-induced stupor and looks around the camp. He spots Charlie but then runs after Hurley who is for some reason carrying airplane seat cushions around the beach. Maybe he's hiding a secret stash of bedding for Jate to use later? Thanks, Hurls, Jater's are forever in your debt. Des asks Hurley where the wire is. "Did you eat those mushrooms Jack warned us about?" Hurley asks. Des doesn't go for trippy drugs cause he's crazy enough as it is. Desmond says that there's a cable in the sand and asks Hurley if he knows what he's talking about. "This is future crap isn't it?" Hurley says. Des just raises his voice and asks him again if he knows where the cable is. Hurley asks why and Des flashes through his visions once more before saying "Someone's coming." You know what probably happened don't ya... the sea bird that Claire released probably flapped his little wings just as hard as he could and finally made it to Australia without touching the water and ruining the novel that Charlie attached to his leg. Then he hopped down to the police station and held out his foot for the cops to reach the novel. Then the cops figured out exactly where they were located just from Claire's long poem about faith and hope and have come to rescue them. I knew the writer's wouldn't leave that story just hanging after the end of that episode. Right?

At the flashback, we find Des on his knees dressed in a sweat suit, reading a Bible. He looks really lost and rubs his forehead in confusion. This was how I looked all during his first episode, Flashes Before Your Eyes. Luckily, the only confusing parts during this one were the Skate scenes. Des stands up as someone comes in his room. A monk comes in and hands him a robe. Desmond looks at it for a second before stripping off his shirt. Ah crap. Now I gotta go to confession. I'm pretty sure drooling over a Priest is like one of the Seven Deadly Sins or something. So as Desmond changes, the Monk stays (who can blame him?) and tells him that the vow of silence is a test of patience, for some it lasts a week and others a month. He says that he never thought Desmond would last but now he stands corrected. "For whatever reason, your path has led you here. And now you're one of us." he says. Desmond stands in shock for a moment and then crosses his hands over his robe. "Welcome, Brotha." the Monk says. "Thank You, Brotha." Desmond breaks his silence to say. Then the Monk shakes his head at him and sighs. That was a test for your vow of silence, Desmond Hume, and you just failed. Then the Monk puts a L for Loser sign on his forehead and sneers at him. Okay, I took it one step too far. Actually, Des and the Monk just smile at each other and we fade from flashback. At least we got an answer as to why Des calls everyone Brotha. I always just thought he had a really promiscuous Mom.

At the beach, Jack is looking through his suitcase dressed in a sleeveless red tank. The costume designer must love looking at those tattoos just as much as we do. Desmond and Hurley come strolling down the beach and greet him. Des says that it must be nice to wake up in his own bed as he looks over at Jack's hut. Oh sure, Des. Much better than the actual bed with a mattress that he had back in Otherville. At least Des confirmed for us that he didn't spend the night over at "Miss Drooliet's shack of deceit and lies." "Yep... Home, Sweet, Home." Jack sarcastically replies. Don't mind him, Des, he's just a tad bitter about Jacket too. Des asks if he can borrow Jack's first-aid kit because he twisted his ankle. Jack looks at him suspiciously and then says he can take a look at it. Desmond says that he's taped his share of ankles, so Jack gives him the kit. Hurley, meanwhile, is looking like a puppy that just had an accident on the carpet. He looks guiltily away as Jack asks him if there's anything wrong. "Just keeping Desmond here company... cause... we're friends." he mumbles. How come Hurley can con and deceive Sawyer without batting an eye but he can't even tell a little white lie to Jack? There's a reason why Jack's the better poker player. Jack tells Desmond to bring the kit back when he's done with it and they part ways. "What the hell was that? Do you want him to get suspicious?" Desmond asks Hurley. Hurley says that this is like when he knew Claire was drowning and that somebody's going to get hurt. "No, it's just a precaution." Des says. Hurley stops and says that if he's going to take Des to the wire, he wants an explanation. Des turns back to him and tells him that he saw a sequence of events but he doesn't know how they fit together. He says that he saw Hurley pulling the cable out of the sand but won't tell Hurley what the other flashes were because it will change the picture. "Isn't that the point? Preventing something bad?" Hurley asks. "Not this time." Des says. He's getting tired of saving the Junkies butt time after time and figures he might as well just make it happen so he can get rid of him for good. "You actually want it to happen." Hurley concurs with me. Des flashes through a few shots of adorable Dopeness and then smiles. "More than anything." What does Penny have to do with Des wanting the Hobbit to die? I could be on the wrong track...

Sawyer strolls through tentville looking around shiftily. Can I just stamp Pervert on his forehead right now? He walks to the door of a tent and hollers into it like the hick he is. "Yo Freckles. Ya home? Want to take my Chevy out for a drive? We can park down by the lake... I'll treat ya real nice. Even break out my best Dharma beer just for you, Dahlin." As flattered as Kate is by the hillbilly, she just calls out that she thought he wasn't allowed to use nicknames. Woohoo! Finally somebody calls him on it. What did the other Losties do when Kate got back... Run up to her and tell her all about how the hillbilly lost a bet? "Glad you and the Doc are safe. Did you know that Sawyer can't use nicknames? How awesome is that!" Very awesome, guys. Sawyer just starts making his way uninvited into the tent. He says that she wasn't around when he lost the bet, so she's exempt. He finishes going into her tent in order to catch her literally with her pants down. Kate stares back at him in shock as he continues to stare at her bikini-clad butt. He's so dreamy. When, Oh when will I find a guy like that? Kate literally rolls her eyes at his pervertedness. 'What in the hell was I thinking?' she murmurs to herself as she pulls her jeans up. Just keep telling yourself it was pity-sex for a dead man, Kate. Lessens the shame a bit. She asks him "What's up?" I'm sure there's a few things, Kate. He ummmsss and ahhhhss and stalls for a bit while he gets himself a nice looksie at her and finally tells her that he wanted to ask her something. She puts on her shirt as he continues to stare, now at her chest. I know he's a guy, and I really shouldn't be expecting much from Sawyer but come on. When Jack accidentally walked in on her in the shower, at least he had the decency to blush and look down. The difference between them is that big - Prince Charming or the Perveted Peeking Tom that lives next door to the castle. So as Sawyer continues to stare (with a little bit of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth and his eyes glazed and vacant - in other words, his usual look), Kate finally notices and points to her eyes. "I'm up here." she says, trying her best to restrain herself from kneeing him in the groin. He waits a few seconds for the blood to rush back to his head (he needs whatever help he can get in that tiny brain) and then asks her if she "told him." "Did I tell who, what?" she asks, trying to play ignorant to match Sawyer. Sawyer asks her if she told Jack about them. She shakes her head at his stupidity and then sits down to zip her jeans up. Pervy continues to stare. She tells him "No" but that Jack knows anyway because he saw them on a surveillance camera. "You said the camera was broken..." Sawyer says. What? When did she say this? I can just see Sawyer stopping Kate from kissing him... Sawyer - "But Honey. I have sooo much respect for your self-worth and dignity and I don't want you to feel ashamed at all. So maybe we should just both calm down and not do this right now, OK?" Kate - "Camera's broken - now come on and skex me up." I have a hard time buying this but apparently TPTB took a lot of flack for letting them do this knowing they were on camera. So, I guess we're just supposed to buy that they thought they weren't. Still doesn't make it any less dirty, guys. I hate to sound like I'm repeating myself but Bear Cages and sweet love-making DO NOT go together. "They had another camera." Kate says. "Those perverts." Sawyer says faking disgust. Hey kettle... Why don't you meet the pot? You're both black. Sawyer recovers very quickly from the horrors and says that now that's out of the way, how about a little "afternoon delight." I can't tell you how attracted I am to him right now. Kate looks just about the same. "I mean sex." Sawyer says, obviously thinking that Kate's IQ must be lower than his. Fat chance, Sawyer. She scoffs as she pushes past him and says "I know." She goes out the door, leaving him behind. "Need me to make you a mix tape?" he asks. It's so sweet that he thinks he can bribe her into sex with presents. Maybe that's why he's been hording all the stuff. She just laughs at his naivety and idiocy and says sarcastically "Yeah, why don't you do that." She's probably thinking he'll do it and that it will keep him busy for a while. Meanwhile, she'll be able to start on Step 1 in her plan to breakup Jacket. It goes something like this.. Step 1) Flirt with Jack... Step 2) Kill Blondie... Step 3) Sleep with Jack.

On the other side of the beach, Desmond and Hurley are creepily stalking Jin. Hurley asks why they need him. Getting creepier, guys. Des says they need him because he was with them. "In one of your puzzle flashbacks?" Hurley asks. " I " Des says. You what, Des? Oh, I'm sorry, that was "Aye" as in "Yes." Those Scots... always trying to trip us up with their complicated language. Hurley asks if Jin not coming would mean the other person not coming too. Des says yes and wonders how he's going to get Jin to come with them. I've got an idea... kidnap Sawyer and put him by the cable and then tell Jin what he did to Sun. That should get the little guy moving. Hurley decides to use another approach. He tells Jin that they're going camping, complete with roasted marshmallows and sleeping under the stars. Jin thinks for a moment and then says yes. Des grins widely as Hurley says that everybody loves marshmallows. Des starts to head off down the beach and tells Hurley to get food and water. "Where you going?" Hurley asks. "We need one more." Des replies. Ah yes, the littlest Hobbit. The next shot is of Charlie with that bloody guitar. "How daft do you think I am?" he asks. Don't make me answer that question, Charlie. I don't need peanut butter and jelly sandwiches thrown at me. Let's just say, I have a graph that charts the Losties IQ's and Charlie doesn't rank much higher than Vincent. Granted, he still has Sawyer, Nikki, Paulo, and Shannon beat but then again, so does Vincent. Charlie guesses that this isn't a camping trip but that Desmond has had a vision instead. "Someone's coming to the Island." Des finally lets on. "Coming? As in someone who's not already here? How the hell is that going to happen?" he asks. Des says that he can't tell him that. Charlie is dubious that this has nothing to do with him and Des tries to calm his fears by saying he's just a part of it like Jin and Hurley are. Minus the spear to the throat thing. But that's just a minor detail, right Des? Charlie says that he hasn't told Hurley and Jin that they are going to die so that makes it a little different. "That's not going to happen this time." Des looks Charlie square in the eye and lies as he flashes over Charlie's death again. Charlie ponders it for a moment before asking if he can bring his guitar. Nooooooooo! That means we're going to have to hear a rousing rendition of "Kumbaya" as they roast marshmallows. But I guess Des likes "Kumbaya" because he grins and says "Absolutely."


Boy Scout Troup 815 heads down the beach, merrily whistling and kicking up sand. They get to a tree and Hurley says that this is it. They all stop and look around. Des asks Hurley where the wire is just as Jin moves the sand around with his foot and finds it. He yells to them and Hurley runs over and picks it up, completing the first piece of the "Die, Charlie, Die" puzzle. Hurley says that last time he followed the wire he almost got kabobed by one of Rousseau's spiky death traps. All I heard was Rousseau and trap. Guess you guys know where my mind shot to. So Kate fumbles around in Jack's jeans to grab his gun but suddenly Des interrupts me by saying that they're not going in the jungle. Hey Des! I was enjoying that image. But Desmond wants to get his slumber party with the guys started on the beach right away. Jin cutely replies "Camp" and then smiles before going off with Hurley to start earning their fire-starting merit badges. Charlie asks Des when his "mysterious someone" is going to get there. "Soon" Des says before walking away, giving us a nice shot of his half-unbuttoned shirt. I tip my hat to you again, Costume Designer.

At the flashback, Des is a priest again and I can't think about the previous image anymore or I'll have to go back to confession. I can just hear that lady from Eko's flashback when he was a little boy. "Con-fess, Ali, Con-fess." Des and the Monk from before are packaging bottles of wine. Mr. Monk says that Des is free to talk again but Brother Desmond just says that he's used to being quiet. Strong, silent type. Swoon. He puts a "Moriah Vineyards" label on a bottle and says that he finds the name interesting. Monky asks why. He says that it's the Mount where Abraham was asked to kill Isaac, which isn't the most festive locale. Monk Man gets an attitude with Des and says "And yet, God spared Isaac." Des says that one might argue that God need not have asked Abraham to sacrifice his son in the first place. "Well then it wouldn't have been much of a test, would it Brotha?" Monkster says. That was hilarious - a priest being snarky. Is that even allowed? So the Monk says that maybe Des underestimates the value of sacrifice. But before Desmond can respond, somebody comes up to him and gives him a nice right hand hook to the schnoze. The man does the sign of the cross and then high-tails it out of there, leaving Des clutching his bloody nose. "Forgive me, Brotha." Des says to the Snarky Monk.

Kate is sitting cross-legged on the table eating out of a bowl, looking just about as bored as a person can get. This is exactly how I would act had I just come home to my OTP whose been worrying himself sick about me as he perfects his ping-pong skills. Jack walks uneasily towards her . There are so many things to be said between Jack and Kate, things that haven't been addressed and still need to be and he just doesn't want to face it right now. She looks up and smiles her special Jack smile when he approaches and says "Hey." I half-way expected it to be followed by a "Hey, You okay?" from Jack and then a "Yeah, You?" from Kate. It's odd not seeing them in danger and constantly worrying about each other. But even though they aren't in danger anymore, this is probably the most scared either one of them has ever been. They're both wondering the same thing... Will we ever just be us again? Jack unsurely says "Hey" back, trying to keep up his aura of everything being alright. She holds out her bowl and says that the oatmeal's awesome. I know Jack's heart is still hurting right now and he's doing his best to keep his emotions in check, but the guy is completely blind. So for Jack's sake, I will decode Kate's words and actions for the rest of this scene. And guys, don't blame us girls when we do stupid stuff like this. It's just something we do when we're trying to provoke the response we want out of you without coming out and saying it. So when Kate holds out her bowl, she is really trying to reach out and make the first move. She's offering him a second chance to start over, a second chance to say the things that need to be said. Namely, "I'm sorry about sleeping with Sawyer. It was a mistake." and "I'm not with Juliet, I'm playing her. You trust me, right?" But Jack either doesn't want to see this or doesn't want to address this right now, cause he just laughs and says "It is, huh?" before turning to the pantry. She swallows and squints her eyes. OK, that didn't work the way she wanted it to. She'll try another tactic. "It's strange, huh?" she asks. She's now making him talk to her by asking a question. Something he can't brush off and ignore. "What's that." he says, his voice quieter. Haha... progress! She woots. Then she gets a far off look in her eyes, the pain of remembering what happened when she was with the Others becoming too much. The handcuffs, the threats, the soulmate separation, the dirty unprotected hillbilly sex. "Being back... Not looking for a way out of a cage...Not finding a reason to go running off into the jungle again." KATE CODE ALERT JACK - She's confessing that she was so distraught over being in a cage that she would have done anything and anyone to get out of there. Your girl's got issues with confined spaces, Jack. "I almost don't know what to do with myself." she smiles. That was sooo much an invitation for Jack to ask her to do something with him, it's not even funny. I thought Kate had a little more self-restraint than that, but I guess when it comes to Jack she'll throw away all semblance of self-respect for a little quality time with him. But Jack, being the doofus that he is, ignores this desperate plea for his attention and just says "Enjoy it. I'm sure something will go wrong soon enough." Last week I wasn't sure if Jack was playing Juliet. This week, no one can convince me otherwise. He is acting way too fake. He's trying too hard to make Kate, Juliet, Sawyer, Hurley, Des, and any other person on that beach think that everything's fine and dandy. And no, his heart didn't heal in two days worth of time. Back to the scene, Kate laughs like a girl on a first date at his attempt of a joke. We get it, Kate, you're head over heels for him. The joke wasn't that funny. So seeing that he didn't respond to her desperate attempt to get some Jack time, she tries an even more desperate one. "Well, my big, dangerous adventure for tonight is going to be doing the dishes... in the ocean." she openly flirts with him. Decoding Kate - "I'm totally and completely free tonight. Wanna pick me up at 8 and we can have some fun... in the ocean." is what she was really saying. Jack almost breaks. His mind is thinking 'Kate, Me, Ocean...' The rest was censored by ABC. But he has to stick to his guns and not show his true feelings. "Be careful." he brushes off her invitation and jokes. She dimples him and says "I'll try." In other words - "Maybe I need a big, strong man to come take care of me.... Who could that be?" She continues to smile, trying to think of something else she can do. 'Should I just start unbuttoning my shirt? No, that only works on the man-child Sawyer.' I almost expected her to loosen up her bun and shake out her hair in slow-motion as the wind-machine blows and she casts her most smoldering looks at Jack. Jack ignores her again. Big dumb dummy. "Can I borrow that spoon." he asks. Her eyes get wide. 'Did it finally work? Is he flirting back?' she thinks. She reaches to her side and grabs the spoon out of her bowl. Deciding to raise the sexual innuendo ante... she slowly draws it to her mouth and swallows it, licking it clean. There is NO decoding necessary on that one. If Jack couldn't understand that, he needs more serious help on girls than I can offer him. Why don't you just jump him and pin him to the table, Kate. That would be less obvious. I think actually Jack did understand it though (woohoo) because he smirks a little and hesitates before taking it. This is why I'm positive he's playing Juliet. Kudos to Jack for having the strength to withstand that bit of sexual torment Kate just put him through. A weaker man would have had Kate's legs wrapped around his waist by that time. It literally would have taken a snap of Jack's fingers for that to happen. He had all the power in that scene. As he turns back to the table, Kate winces and looks down. That was either... "I can't believe that didn't work" or "Did I really just do that? What that man does to me..." She jumps off the table with an Oof, trying to get his attention again and makes her way to the dishes. BTW, Side rant - The girl just gets back from a week long trek in the jungle to bring the Doctor back to help everyone and the first thing they do is make her do the dishes. Come on, guys. Show a little appreciation for my girl. Make Sawyer do the dishes. Oh, that's right, he's probably too busy. You know he's on book 42 of the 100 greatest books countdown, right? - End Side Rant. Still thinking he might be watching her, Kate sucks some oatmeal off her finger, playing the mouth card once again. "Goodnight." Jack says. Her head shoots up in shock. 'He's leaving? But, but, but, but... I did all the right flirting tricks. I licked his spoon for Heavens sake!' "Yeah, Goodnight." she says in disappointment. He takes off and she gathers up the dishes and starts to walk away until she hears a loud cackle come from across the beach. You know what that means, right? The evil witch is present. Kate turns to watch Jack hand JuJu a bowl and then sit down with her to eat at her shack. 'Oh, that better not be my spoon, Princess.' Kate snaps in her head. She watches as Jack giggles (yes, again) and then her face falls. This is no longer the WTF face from when she saw Jack with the Others. This is a "Dang, that stings." look. That sound you heard... that was the sound of Kate's heart breaking a little more. And in that moment, she thinks she's lost him for good. That there is literally no hope for Jate anymore. She should really start reading some quotes from TPTB if she thinks that. So as her eyes fill up with tears, she looks down and then walks off.

And what's the healthiest way to heal a broken heart problem? Well according to the National Mental Health Society... it's meaningless jealousy sex with an old acquaintance. That's not right? Well Kate apparently thinks it is. Kate rips open the tarp to Sawyer's tent and whaddayaknow... he's reading. SHOCKER! He asks her if his doorbell's busted again. She can't walk in on your tent but you can walk in on hers? He's probably worried that he's going to slip up one day and when she comes in next time, it won't be such an innocent scene. I'll let your imaginations fill in whatever detail you want there.... it could be Juliet, Claire, new girl (whoops you're not supposed to know about her yet), a boar, Nikki's dead body, nobody else but him... so many possibilities. She walks in, her eyes black with revenge. She literally jumps on him as he pulls off his steam-rolled Harry Potter glasses and asks her what she's doing. Apparently Sawyer didn't get the Island email, warning all Jaters of upcoming jealousy skex. "Shut up and don't talk." she says. One or the other, Kate. She leans down and kisses him and then works her way down to his neck. He pushes her back and asks her if she's crying. Okay, I started giggling right about here. First time ALL season that Kate's cried and I haven't cried with her. Maybe because this is just too friggin funny. It's not supposed to be? Really... Hmmm... TPTB need to make their intentions clearer. Her eyes scrunch up in pain and she leans down to snarl in his face. "I said SHUT UP!" Awww.. the sweet whisperings of romance are in the air. She rips open his shirt and starts to work on his waxed chest. Where's he getting the wax anyway? The girls are probably really starting to need that more than him. But Island beauty treatments wait for no woman, right Sawyer? Sawyer ponders the notion of why she's crying for oh, about 2 seconds and then says "You got it." and moves up to kiss her again. This is the second time where she's obviously in emotional distress and using him for comfort and he STILL just lets her. How stupid can a man be? I guess if he just doesn't care why she's using him, then that's another thing. But then everyone would have to admit that Skate's about as deep as a puddle... of vomit. Sorry, had to get that in somewhere. You didn't think I could not mention skex and vomit in the same paragraph, did ya? They go hand-in-hand. More gratuitous tongue shots ensue (can't get the image of that puddle of vomit out of your head, can you?) as Kate's hand runs down his chest, gathering little drippings of wax as she works her way down. Sounds of unzipping are heard followed by Sawyer's girlish screams as Kate apologizes for catching teeny tiny Soya in the zipper.

Whooo... Breath, Jaters. That wasn't so bad, was it? We got through it and we'll get through Jacketsex too. Was that a collective scream of horror I just heard? No, Sillies. It was just Jin telling ghost stories down on the beach by the campfire. That's a relief. Jin's pretty good at it too... He does all the different voices in Korean as Charlie strums his guitar. Jin holds the flashlight up to his face to create a spooky image. We are still watching Lost, right? Don't they desperately need every last battery they can get in case they have to trample through the jungle or Jate need to make their way to the medical hatch for a 2 AM Jexfest? And yet, here they are wasting them on ghost stories. Oh well, they'll probably just magically find another hatch with supplies if they start running low. Hey, it's happened a couple times before. Charlie and Hurley stare transfixed at Jin as he builds to the climax. With a shout of something in Korean he raises his arm to show his sleeve with no hand in it. Hurley screams and then they all laugh. Funny how no matter what language, ghost stories are scary. I think I've heard that one too. It's pretty good but not as good as the one where the guy licks the girls hand and she thinks it's her dog but actually her dog is dead in the shower. Gives me the creepies. But that's not as bad as the one about the girl who escapes from some cage that weirdos are keeping her in and then sleeps with a man because she's scared and doesn't know what else to do. That one keeps me up all night. Ghost stories must keep Des up all night too, because he's not participating in the little campout. He sits down the beach, looking at his Dope picture. Charlie notices Des as Hurley starts to tell Jin the ghost story about the Chupacabra - the monster who drinks the blood of her victims. Hurley hasn't know Juliet that long, has he? Charlie walks over to Des and hands him a can of Dharma vegetables. Charlie asks who is in the picture and Des hands it to him and says her name's Penny. "That's not bad, Des. Not bad at all." Charlie cavemans Des' girl. That is a her, Charlie. Charlie learns his lesson and asks how he managed to leave her behind and come there. "Because I'm a coward." Des says. He says that he tried to run away from her but she tracked him down. He thinks she never gave up on him, that she spent the last 3 years looking for him. Awww.. Jate and Dope. Two sets of people, two identical actions. OK, so Kate only spent a week looking, but she would have spent 3 years if she had to. She's just a better tracker than Penny is. As Charlie hands the picture back, a whirring noise starts up. They all look to the sky. "It's a helicopter." Charlie says. "Rescue." Jin says. The whirring noise starts to change into a falling noise and Hurley asks if that's how a helicopter's supposed to sound. Yes Hurley. That's how a falling helicopter is supposed to sound. They hear a splash in the ocean and Des rubs his head in confusion and distress. Hurley says that they have to go out there. "In what?" Charlie asks. But as they stand there like wimps (Jack would have already been swimming) while somebody drowns, Jin notices something in the sky over the jungle. They see a light in the clouds, completing piece 2 of the "Charlie's Doomed" puzzle.

Back from commercial, Charlie, Jin, and Hurley are arguing over whether it was a food drop or if somebody ejected from the helicopter. Charlie says that you can't eject from a helicopter and Hurley says that maybe they jumped. "How do we even know it's a person?" Charlie asks. Hurley says that Des said someone was coming. Meanwhile, Des finishes gathering his pack and starts to go toward the jungle. Jin begins to follow but Charlie stops them both. He says that they're not going into the jungle at night because of Rousseau's death traps and they'll just wait two more hours until it's light. "She can't wait." Des says. "She?" Charlie asks. Yeah Charlie, you sometimes refer to them as "That". Des backtracks and says that whoever it is could be hurt and that all 4 of them have to go now. "Why?" Charlie asks. "Because that's the way it's supposed to happen." Des says. Didn't this remind you of Michael trying to convince Hurley and Jack that the 4 people on his list had to come with him to get Walt? And we all know what happened there... I want to trust Des but I'm scared. We don't need Hurley and Charlie getting it on in a dirty bear cage. That's almost as nasty as the first couple that did that. Charlie says that it's going to happen without him then. Des flashes through the visions and backs down. He needs Charlie to get gutted in the throat. So he says that they'll all leave at first light then.

At the flashback, Des knocks on a door and the guy who punched him answers it. Desmond asks if the guy's sister is in and a girl comes up behind the guy and tells him to leave Des alone. "Hello, Ruth." he says. Next shot of Des and Ruth sitting in the living room sipping tea. "So you're a monk now, are ya?" she asks him. He says something in Scottish. No actually it was in English with a Scottish accent. Might as well have been in Scottish though, cause I missed 50% of their conversation. He says that he owes her an explanation and she says he can never begin to explain what he did. Apparently, Des is a wedding jilter. He left Ruth a week before the wedding and disappeared. "I had a calling." he says. She says that the closest he ever came to a religious experience was the Celtics winning the cup. He says that he was scared about the wedding and he got drunk. He raised his eyes and asked if he was doing the right thing but then he passed out. When he woke up in the streets, a Monk was standing over him. He knew that he was supposed to go with him and sacrifice everything for a greater calling. She tells him that next time he wants to break up with a girl just tell her that he's too bloody scared.

Back to the beach, we get our first real scene with JuJu. Yippee. She is hammering something on her shack. Probably making a shelf to store the knife she'll use later on to stab Jack in the back. Jack comes up behind her and asks her if she's a Doctor or a carpenter. Don't try to get out of the stale Doctor-Doctor relationship by saying she's a carpenter now, Jack. Just accept the fact that Jacket will always be boring. You're gonna want the fugitive if you wanna spice up your love life. She cackles and then asks him why dear daddy didn't teach him to use a hammer. Poor Jules. She must not know about the daddy issues on Lost. He puts his puppy dog eyes on and says that his Dad taught him how to drink. Instead of giving him a little sympathy, she grins evily and says that at least it's something. He smiles to hide the pain and goes back to tying knots in her tent and reminiscing about the sympathy Kate showed him during the first season when he told her about his Dad. Ahh, the good old days, he sighs. Sawyer walks up to them and interrupts (finally an interruption that goes well for us). He asks if they're arguing over who's their favorite Other. I'm betting Jack's going with Tom and Juliet's going with herself. Jack asks him what he wants and Sawyer tells him that there's been some developments since he went AWOL (that's Sawyer-speak for Jack saving his life by staying with the Others). I thought we were going to get a showdown over Kate with Sawyer doing the caveman thing and telling Jack to stay away from his girl. But instead he pulls out his ping-pong paddles from behind his back. Dangit. I should have known. When it comes to Sawyer... Ping-Pong > Kate.

As Jack and Sawyer volley back and forth, they have a nice friendly chat. Jack asks where they got the table and Sawyer says that it fell out of the purple haze. "If we don't play every 108 minutes, the Island's gonna explode." Sawyer says. Best line ever. I'm upset that it's Sawyers, but I'll be fair. And plus, now it gives me an answer as to why Sawyer never went to find Kate. He wasn't being selfish and childish, he was saving the bloody world. He's a hero in my eyes now. He whips one past Jack and then gloats... "Finally. Something I can beat you at." Jack says that considering he hasn't played since he was 12, Sawyer shouldn't be too proud. Oh Jack, give him something. You've already won everyone's respect and adoration and you've got Kate's heart wrapped up. You don't need to be resident Island ping-pong champion too. They laugh and then Sawyer says that it's strange being back. Jack laughs and Sawyer asks what's funny. "Kate said the same thing in the kitchen last night." Sawyer swallows nervously and says "She did, huh?" Jack nods playfully before smacking an easy shot to Sawyer. Sawyer just stares at the ground and misses it. He's trying his hardest to make those few brains cells connect. He knows something's not right, but he just can't figure it out. Come on, Sawyer, Think. He asks Jack if Jate ate together and Jack says that he had dinner with Evil instead. And like a lightbulb in his head going off, he finally puts it all together. Kate in kitchen alone, Jacket together, Kate crying, Kate throwing herself at him... 'Awww Man. It was jealousy sex all along.' he thinks and then shrugs. 'Oh well, at least I got mine.'

As the Fab Four continue through the jungle, Charlie asks Des what's next in his visions. "That's it. There is no next. We find the beacon." Des says. Charlie asks why he's lying to him. Des spins around and confronts Charlie by saying that he's saved his life three times now and that should have bought his trust. They continue on for a ways before Hurley collapses on the ground and says that he's going to have a coronary. See Hurley. This is why Libby wanted you to stick with your exercise routines. "Actually you're not. And if we don't get a move on..." Des says. So has Des seen Hurley's death too? Interesting. But before we can ponder this, Charlie picks up a doll on the ground. Seriously. How many Jate references are they going to throw at us? I told you a couple weeks ago, TPTB, that we understand it's Fate. I kinda like pulling Jate references out of thin air in shots where there is no Jate even present. They're just hurling them at us now and making my job way too easy. Charlie says that it can't be Rousseau's because a rock would be flying at his head if it was. Des spots a backpack in the tree above Hurley. He runs over to him and climbs on his shoulders. I guess Hurley's going to die from a Scot on his shoulder. Des knocks the backpack down and jumps off Hurley to investigate. He spills out its contents and finds a book called Ardil-22. (That's Catch-22 in Portuguese). Jin pulls out something and holds it up saying "Walkie-Talkie." Ummm... did you not hear a word of what I said about throwing Jate references at us? Not that I mind reminiscing on the Walkie-Talkies of Love... Hurley corrects Jin and says that it's not a WTOL but instead a satellite phone. He turns it on but it powers down. "Crap. It's dead." Hurley says. "Shocker." Charlie says. Awww... the Hobbit's got a bit of snark in him. Des opens the book and finds another copy of the Dope picture inside. How odd. I thought they only got one made in his last flashback. Unless Penny's a pro at photoshop and made herself another one. She should get working on replacing Kate with Juliet in all the Jate scenes. It could save TPTB a lot of money than having to reshoot them all. Hurley asks "Who's she?" and takes the book. "That would be Penny." Charlie says. Again with the "That", Charlie?

At the beach, Kate is bathing herself over the water trough, trying to rid herself of the stench of jealousy sex. Sawyer walks up to her and hands her something. "What's this?" she asks awkwardly and stands up. "Your mix tape." he says. She already slept with you, Sawyer. You don't need to pay her off. Unless this is a bribe for tonight. Kate laughs at the absurdity of that idea. The only way she's sleeping with him tonight is if Jack doesn't come out of Juliet's shack. And believe me, Kate will be watching with binoculars to make sure that doesn't happen. "Well, you gonna take it or ain't ya?" he hillbillys her. She slowly takes it and then waits for him to stop dancing and raving about how "that was a binding agreement and she now has to be in his tent tonight by 8. Or he'll send somebody to get her." She looks awkwardly at her new stash and says "The best of Phil Collins, huh?" "Don't get picky." he says 'And wear your heels tonight too. I might have a Kenny Loggins tape in there if ya do.' She must really like Kenny Loggins cause she says "Thanks, James." "So why'd you jump me last night?" he finally gets up the nerve to ask. Her eyes shoot up and she tries to give him her best "I totally don't know what you're talking about. Jealous? Me?" look. He asks her if it was because she saw Jack hanging out with Juliet. Sawyer got one completely and utterly right. Somebody give him a cookie. She tries to protest..."It is not like that." "It's not?" Sawyer asks, calling her out on jealousy sex just like he called her out on pity sex. "You ain't got to use me, Freckles." he says. "All you got to do is ask..." In other words, I'll let you stamp 2nd Best on my forehead if I can still see you naked. I ask you... How could anyone doubt these two are soulmates?

Back to the jungle trek, Charlie asks Des if he thinks it's Penny that bailed out of the helicopter. He says that he had hoped it but now he knows it. Charlie asks why he didn't tell them. He says that he didn't want anything to change if he told them. Charlie says that's fair and asks why they would even want to change anything if it leads to them getting rescued. Why indeed, Charlie. No changes necessary. It starts to rain as they continue on. We must be getting closer.

At the flashback, Des is drunkenly singing his team's song as he swallows the wine from before. The Monk comes up and asks what Des is doing and he says that he's getting "pissed on our lovely wine." We can see that. Monk Man says that they've only bottled a 108 cases this year. Dang numbers. "It's a good thing we've taken a vow of quality then isn't it?" Des jokes. The Monk says that they've also taken a vow of charity which sobers Des up a bit. He passes the bottle to the Monk who moves it away and tells him that he wasn't cut out to be a Monk. "I've had a tough week." Des says. Des finally says he's sorry and he'll take the penance. "I'm afraid you're beyond penance, Desmond." he says. "Brotha Desmond... " Des tries to correct but the Monk shakes his head. "Are you firing me?" Des asks. Des says that he can't do that because he had "the call." Monkster says that the Abby isn't where he was supposed to end up and that God has bigger plans for him. Des scoffs but the Monk reassures him by saying that Des has just spent too much time running away to realize what he's running toward. Kate, are you listening? You need to be taking notes. The Monk gets up and starts to leave but Des asks him what he's supposed to do now. "Whatever comes next." he says mysteriously before leaving.

Trekking along again, they make their way through the rain soaked jungle. Jin asks "Who's Penny." Hurley explains that she's Des' OTP and they're going to save her life so they can get rescued. How? Seems like without that phone, whoever fell from the sky is as screwed as they are now. Des hurries them along but Hurley says that he's going as fast as he can and he's not exactly the Flash. Then him and Charlie begin their NerdsRUs argument. Cue death scene from earlier. This time, however when Charlie steps on the wire, Des keeps glancing back and forth between Charlie and the spear that is soon to be embedded in him. As the wire releases, Des yells and tells him to duck before tackling him to the ground. Well, if the plane crash and rain didn't ruin that guitar that's strapped to his back, it sure better be demolished now. Right? Come on.... tell me I'm right. "Dude." is all Hurley can say as Charlie glares at Desmond. He just saved your life and changed fate, buddy boy. A little appreciation would be nice.

After the commercial, we now find that the rain has stopped and they are all dried out and continuing on their trek. Jin wants to go one way but Des wants to go another. Hurley says that they should split up. Always a smart thing to do. He says that him and Charlie will go one way and Des and Jin will go the other and they'll meet up at the ridge. Another smart plan. Hurley and Charlie together. Let me repeat that. Hurley and Charlie together. They'll probably tear each other's heads off in a fight about who's hotter... Wonder Woman or Bat Girl. Totally Bat Girl, BTW. Charlie agrees that this is a stupid idea and points to Hurley "You and Jin." He said it fast though and it sounded like Yunjin, the actress who plays Sun. (gigglesnort) I wanted to say, No Dom... That's Jorge. Sigh... I've spent too much time obsessing over this show. So Charlie wisely decides to go with Des and as he turns, I see that bloody guitar is still in mint condition. WTH! There's no way on friggin earth that could happen. Unless the Island's healing powers work on annoying instruments too. Charlie and Desmond make their way past a creek and Charlie guesses that Des knew all along about the death because he said duck. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asks. "Because then you wouldn't have come." Charlie calls him out on the fact that Des thought the only way he could get Penny back would be to sacrifice him. "If the flashes don't happen exactly how I saw them, the picture changes. I was supposed to let you die." he says. Des says that it's pointless. He just keeps saving Charlie's life and it keeps happening again and again. "Maybe it's a test." "Test?" Charlie asks. "Like God testing Abraham. Except I failed because I changed what I saw." Suddenly Jin starts shouting and they start running towards him. They find a parachute and parachutist hanging from a tree, dressed in a helmet and jumpsuit. They shout up to him/her/that. "Dude, she's not moving." Hurley says. "I'm sorry Penny." Des whispers.

Final flashback, Des is out of his robe and back in his regular clothes, so I'm allowed to drool again. He goes into the Monk's office to say goodbye and turn in his robe. There's a really great Easter Egg on Monky's desk. And I'm feeling very proud of myself because I caught it my first watch of this episode. It's a picture of the Monk and the old lady from the ring store in FBYE that tells Des he wasn't meant to marry Penny because he was meant to do something greater. It's a conspiracy, I tell ya. Not sure what the two have to do with each other.... if they're Dharma or psychics or what, but it should be interesting to find out. Des starts to leave but the Monk tells him that they will give him a ride into town if he doesn't mind some heavy lifting. The next shot is of Des outside a van. He is unloading crates of wine as the Monk talks to someone behind the van. The Monk leaves and Desmond hauls a crate to the back. He comes around the corner and is stopped dead in his tracks by the sight in front of him. Penny is telling him that she thinks they can fit the rest of the cases in the back. He continues to stare at her, but not in the obnoxious/belittling way that Sawyer looks at Kate. More in the way that Jack watches Kate while she's gathering passionfruit seeds. Like they're both in awe of these two gentle, beautiful women and are scared that if they blink, the scene before them will just vanish. And it does just that as we go back to the Island where Des is climbing up a tree to get to the parachutist. A haunting melody plays over the background, building the tenderness of Des getting his girl back. Cutting back to the Dopeness, Des is flirting with Penny, telling her that they only make a limited number of wines because the Monks are lazy. She giggles adorably and asks him how he knows so much about Monks. "Because I'm an ex-Monk as of last night. I was fired." he smiles and whispers to her. She laughs and follows him around as he carries the cases. He says it's not that funny and she says that she's sorry but she didn't know Monk's could be fired. He says that he was told that the Abby's not where he was meant to be. It was just a step along a path and God has bigger plans. Cut back to the Island and Desmond is up in the tree cutting down the parachute. Back to Dope, Penny says that maybe they're right. If he hadn't gotten fired, they would have never met. *Sigh* Dreamy smiles as we think about all the Fated couples of the world. Penny flirts and says that now he can help her unload the crates in Carlyle. Des smiles "Did I say I was coming to Carlyle with you?". "Not yet." she flirts, her eyes sparkling. Cute. I think I may have felt my heart warm a bit. That hasn't happened since TMFT. Back to the Island, Des chops down the rope holding the parachutist and they catch her in the parachute. Sorry about the choppy recap, but I'm going back to Dope again. Blame TPTB. "Of course, if an ex-Monk already has plans..." she says. The girl is persistent. She must be drooling over Des too. "I don't usually get into cars with strangers." he says. "Well in that case, I'm Penelope... Penny." "Desmond" he says shaking her hand. "Very nice to meet you, Penny." They lock eyes. Fate. At the island, the parachutist stirs as Des jumps down from the tree. "She's alive." Hurley says. Des practically trips over himself trying to get to her. "I'm here, Penny." he says grabbing her helmet and then pulling it off, revealing his OTP. And then they lived happily ever after. Oh wait. This is Lost. They're not going to put any OTP together during the middle of the series. So yep, you got it. It's not Penny. It's the new girl instead. She mumbles "Desmond" before passing out, leaving a very confused Desmond looking at her. I'm betting that Penny hired her to find Des. That, or it's a really freaky coincidence that she has his Dope picture and knows his name. So new blood to the Island, huh? I'll reserve judgment on her until I get to see her say at least two words in a row. As long as they don't tell me she's been there all along and was even there during the crash and is now hiding diamonds around the Island, I think I'll be fine with her. Until next week, Jaters, Dia leat.

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